Staying Emotionally Connected (W07)


              Selflessness and sacrifice are so important to provide in a marriage. It is essential to make a marriage work. This help us “turn toward” our partner as John Gottman would say. He explains that we all make bids for attention multiple times throughout a day. They can come out in a loving way, or through anger when we feel that these signals are not being picked up. As I look back throughout the past few days, I know that I make multiple bids for attention every day. These can be as small as trying to get a hug. Sometimes I plainly say what I want from that person, such as asking them to do the dishes. Sometimes my bids for attention come out sarcastically, but there is a meaning and a bid under that sarcasm. Many times, these bids for attention are very subtle and they can be hard to recognize and act upon if we aren’t paying attention.
                It is important that we try to pick these bids for attention up and give them the attention they need no matter how small or insignificant they seem. Gottman calls this turning towards our partner. This is where sacrifice comes in. Sometimes we must sacrifice things to make our partner feel loved, appreciated, and happy. This requires sacrificing time and possibly doing the things you like to do. As we sacrifice these things and put our partner and their interests first, they will be more willing to let us have our time and let us do the things we like to do. They will be more positive and better be able to build a better relationship and marriage as we are willing to put them first.
                H. Wallace Goddard said that having faith in God can have a huge impact on a relationship. I personally know that this is true. As we have faith in God; faith that he wants the best for us, knows our future and will back our relationships up, we will better understand the things we need to do to keep our relationships strong and firm. H. Wallace Goddard said in “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage”, “When we have vibrant faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, we know that the irritations and challenges of marriage are blessings intended to develop our character.” The better relationship we have with God and the more we love Him, the more we will understand His love for our spouse. We will see that He loves them through their faults and weaknesses which can help us to have a love for our spouse like God has for them. That is such a powerful knowledge that we have available to us.

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