In-Law Relationships W13

          It is important to have a good relationship with your spouse’s family. This can be difficult for some people. It can be hard to connect with a family that has differing rules and expectations from the family that you grew up in. It is important that you respect them and try to understand them because that is the family that your spouse was raised in. However, the married couple must be careful to still care for, love, and respect their families, but separate from them.

            In chapter 37 of Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families by James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen, it said, “The first task of a newly married couple is to separate from the families in which they grew up. One component of separating from families of origin involves creating a marital identity. It helps a newly married couple to think of themselves as existing together inside an invisible fence. They share information and behavior with each other inside that fence, and that information and behavior is not meant to be shared with others outside the fence-not with future children and certainly not with parents or parents-in-law.”

            Once married, all their personal information and struggles should be between them only. It is okay to seek advice from trusted people such as parents, but it is important not to reveal too much information to them. A couple who are married are to confide in each other and take all their struggles and concerns to one another. An example of this would be finances. A couple’s finances should not be talked about to anyone except for your spouse unless the couple agrees upon who they will talk to and what information they will share. It can be difficult to suddenly stop talking to your parents about everything like you did before marriage. Parents should help their children with this adjustment and send them to their spouse if their child goes to tell them something.

            I have seen problems caused in marriages because people talk about things, they shouldn’t to people they shouldn’t. My cousin tells me almost everything. She will talk about their finances, the problems in their marriage and family, and complain about frustrating things her spouse does. Although all these problems are common and okay to have, they should be talked about with your spouse and worked out together with the Lord. Her husband gets frustrated when he finds out that she does this and luckily, she tries to be better at talking to him and keeping those things personal and private between them. It is important to counsel with your spouse and the Lord when you are married.