Eternal Marriage

            In relationships, it is important to know and recognize the other’s goals, aspirations, and needs. This will help us to be aware of how to handle certain situations. Sometimes our dreams clash with our partner’s. Some of these problems cannot be solved where each person gets what they want. John Gottman calls this gridlock. Sometimes it can be hard to live with people who were raised differently. They handle things differently than you and may like things a certain way which clashes with the way you like things. Gridlock can be large and deep problems and disagreements, or they can be small. I don’t like when dirty dishes are on the counter or in the sink. I have roommate who don’t mind that, probably because they grew up in an environment where that was normal. At first it bugged me quite a bit. However, I chose to not get upset at them over this because I realized that I liked things differently than the rest of them. This made me decide tha...

I think that managing conflict and consecrating ourselves go together. As we consecrate ourselves, we will be able to better manage conflict. When conflict arises in my relationships, I know that I can get defensive and upset which does not do any good for the relationship. As I consecrate myself and become more selfless and giving, I manage conflict in a much more peaceful and positive way. If I go back to the times that I have been confronted with conflict and I have dealt with it in a negative way, I know that I was being selfish and that I was not willing to listen to the other person. Being willing to hear what the other person’s perspective is and letting them know that you are listening and see their point of view can have a huge positive impact on the relationship. Many conflicts require sacrifice and compromise. Some conflicts can’t be solved easily due to personality differences. However, if we are willing to listen to them and see from their perspective, the conflict wil...

              Pride can be a destructive characteristic in a friendship and especially in a marriage. President Ezra Taft Benson gave an insightful talk on pride called “Beware of Pride”. This is one of my favorite talks. When I think of prideful people, I think of people who always want to be the best and on top. However, President Benson talked about how pride isn’t always people on the top looking down. Many times, the prideful people are at the bottom looking up. Benson said, “There is, however, a far more common ailment among us-and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.”                 I had not thought of those things being prideful and I neve...

              Selflessness and sacrifice are so important to provide in a marriage. It is essential to make a marriage work. This help us “turn toward” our partner as John Gottman would say. He explains that we all make bids for attention multiple times throughout a day. They can come out in a loving way, or through anger when we feel that these signals are not being picked up. As I look back throughout the past few days, I know that I make multiple bids for attention every day. These can be as small as trying to get a hug. Sometimes I plainly say what I want from that person, such as asking them to do the dishes. Sometimes my bids for attention come out sarcastically, but there is a meaning and a bid under that sarcasm. Many times, these bids for attention are very subtle and they can be hard to recognize and act upon if we aren’t paying attention.                 It is imp...

            A marriage should always be built on a strong foundation of friendship. In the marriage, that friendship should continue to grow and thrive. Sometimes, when things get tough and we go through trial and tribulation, it is so easy to focus on all the negative things that our spouse is doing. We notice all the things they do that annoy us and all their flaws. Elder Joe J. Christensen said, “Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.” We must remember that we are not and never will be a perfect spouse either. We can always be working on something as well. It is important that we stick to our spouse during hard times. We need them and they need us to get through those hard times. Focusing on the positive can help to keep the relationship strong and healthy. We should be looking at wha...