Cherishing Your Spouse (W06)


            A marriage should always be built on a strong foundation of friendship. In the marriage, that friendship should continue to grow and thrive. Sometimes, when things get tough and we go through trial and tribulation, it is so easy to focus on all the negative things that our spouse is doing. We notice all the things they do that annoy us and all their flaws. Elder Joe J. Christensen said, “Avoid ‘ceaseless pinpricking.’ Don’t be too critical of each other’s faults. Recognize that none of us is perfect. We all have a long way to go to become as Christlike as our leaders have urged us to become.” We must remember that we are not and never will be a perfect spouse either. We can always be working on something as well.
It is important that we stick to our spouse during hard times. We need them and they need us to get through those hard times. Focusing on the positive can help to keep the relationship strong and healthy. We should be looking at what we love about them and the things they do to try to help and please us. Elder Christensen also stated, “’Ceaseless pinpricking,’ as President Spencer W. Kimball called it, can deflate almost any marriage. … Generally each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don’t need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive.” Criticizing and nagging does nothing but cause contention in a relationship. I don’t like being criticized and nagged. It makes me feel terrible about myself and makes me feel frustration towards the person who is doing it. We should help our spouse learn and grow, but in a loving, gentle and kind way.
In addition to these things, John Gottman talks about the love map. This means that spouses should be learning about each other and knowing things about them. There is always something to learn about someone. Things are constantly changing in people’s lives and we should know the updated version of our spouse. It is important to let your spouse know that you are interested in learning about them. When people ask me questions and genuinely want to get to know me better, I feel so loved and cared about. The same happens in marriages. As we show our spouse that we want to know more about them, they will know that we care about and love them.

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